iPhones And Their Uses…

I recently tried adjusting to an iPhone and have come to the conclusion that iPhones are about as useful and exciting as sticking your pencil into a glass of luke warm water.  Well, not really!  A glass of water normally will not incite one to become inventive at creating new words and phrases that rhyme with…  say…  “new ditch”,  or  “truck”, or things that sound eerily similar to  “you bucking witch”. So, coming to the conclusion that an old man should never buy anything that doesn’t have a wooden handle attached to it, I have decided to waste invest some time in deciphering what one could actually use an iPhone for in life.

Here are a few to get things started…

Hitler Not Happy With His iPhone

1. Door stop!  Use it by wedging your iPhone under a door to prevent it from closing unexpectedly like iPhone apps. You may have to raise one end with a nail or screw. Be sure not to scratch the floor!

2. Paper weight.  I know,  most anything can be used as a paper weight, but not one that will set you back  two grand over the next two years.

3. A rest for your soldering iron to prevent the hot  iron from discoloring your workbench after fixing your real telephone.

4. Hood ornament. Kind of like tying a dead deer across the hood of your car after killing it.  Let’s everyone know just what you think of iphones. I would suggest acquiring a “dead” iphone for this as they’re much cheaper and will serve the same purpose.

5. Calculator… if you will never need a % sign for the rest of your life.  …oh, wait! You “can” have a % sign if you turn it sideways 🙂 That’s a bit strange as I’ve never saw a calculator I needed to turn sideways to do percentages.

6. Table leveler.  You may need two of them if it’s a picnic table. If it’s too thick, remove the 5 cent piece of plastic cover you paid 20 bucks for and use it instead of the iPhone.

7. Use it as a coaster to prevent water stains on your bosses desk.  It’s a little slick for this, but if you sprinkle a bit of salt on it first, it will work in a pinch. You can pick up little packets of salt at most restaurants for free!

8. Signaling.  Just turn the shiny back outward and triangulate between something that truly is bright, such as the sun, and your subject. This could possibly be used in an emergency, but remember, you should practice survival skills before needing them, and the using of iPhones for signaling is no exception.

9.  Entertainment.  Park you car with one of the wheels over your iPhone just enough to prevent anyone from actually being able to pull it free.  Sit nearby and watch as people pull their backs out trying to lift your car.  Take note of those who refuse to fall for this trap as you may wish to have an intelligent conversation with someone later.

10. Investment.  In a hundred years or so, iPhones may actually be worth something as a collectable.  Of course it will be dead by then, but so will you!

This is about all I could come up with in a few minutes,  but I’m sure there are many of you who could find more interesting things to do with iPhones. Just remember to try and keep bodily functions out of the equation as much as possible.

Later…  🙂

Connor

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